Rogue

My experience dictates that when I am on an emotional overload, I look to food as a comforting tool. I am not one of those asshats that “loses” their appetites when stressed or sad. Nope. I like to seek out food that will make me forget. Even if it is just for a moment.

You all know that for the last 11 months, I have been eating differently, working out, and the results have been amazing. But, in the last week, I have had trouble implementing my lifestyle. With two dogs forcing me into the role of nurse,and the larger-than-life patriarch of our family passing away, I slipped. Not crazy slipped. Just enough for me to alarmed.

I walked through Brian’s six month unemployment, and stayed true to my new nutritional ways. But this, all at once, is pushing my limits. Friday, after I wrote about the fiasco with the dog diapers, Daisy, had a small stroke. I had to call my mother-in-law to help me load her into the car as she couldn’t walk. And for the record, that girl is fat. No, seriously, she weighs a shit ton. Fortunately, she recovered. We are still in the waiting mode for her test to see if she has cancer. Yep, it is a lot.

I am giving myself grace in this particular situation. The awareness that I have gone a touch rogue in my eating isn’t lost on me. The difference is that I am not making excuses for it. It’s grief. With three significant loses in a six week period along with aging dogs, I am simply drained emotionally.

The difference is my attitude. Just because I slipped or went a touch rogue, doesn’t mean I throw in the towel. I can begin each day with the intention of mindful eating. Remembering how much better I feel when I eat nutritional food. Sure, that cookie dough milkshake was like party in my mouth, but like any party there is the aftermath. I felt bloated. Hungover from my sugar high. And, disgusted that I fell off of the wagon. It happens. I am human, after all. Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Today is a new day. And even though my heart is heavy, and lots of changes are unfolding, I can shift my focus back to loving myself through the grief. This means being true to my body. Being mindful when I eat and most importantly, acknowledging that this too shall pass.

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