Survey Says

I spend a lot of time in what I like to refer to as “holding hell”. Between my mother’s long-term health insurance and Bailey’s many government assistance programs, listening to music-on-hold has become part of my normal. Along with everyone’s need for me to do a survey once my call is complete. Sometimes, that is an hour later. Do you think I really want to do a survey then?

My favorite message is, “We value your call. Someone will be with you shortly. After you have completed your conversation with our competent representative, we invite you to participate in a survey which will help us serve you better.” You want to serve me better? How about not keeping me on hold for 45 minutes. How about having a diverse musical selection instead of playing Lionel Richie’s “Hello” over and over again. Which, by the way, is an ideal song because let’s face it, I am waiting for someone to actually say, “hello”.

Let’s be completely honest, I don’t ever want to participate. After a conversation with my mother’s long-term health company last week, the very nice woman asked if I would be willing to take part in their survey. I responded, “no” which I think surprised her. I then asked if she could mark it in my mother’s file to nix the survey inquiry. There was a very pregnant pause. She responded, “No one has ever asked me to do that. I will mark it in here, but I can’t guarantee that you won’t get asked again. It is what we are instructed to do.” Fair enough. She is simply doing her job.

We had our annual maintenance done on our furnace, and the repairman asked if I would complete their survey while he changed out the filter and checked on how everything was functioning. I was planning on reading while he worked. My boob hurt (this was the day after my biopsy), and my ankle was bitchy, so I really wasn’t in a great frame of mind. I mean, you don’t want me filling out anything if I am not in a great spiritual space. I responded, “No. I don’t feel like doing that.”. He gave me a surprised face. I suppose most people are agreeable. Well, most people aren’t me. “Okay, I will get busy on your furnace then.” I kind of felt bad, but that only last a nano-second.

Why does everyone want a survey completed? I mean, if you are doing your job and aren’t an asshole, good for you. I shouldn’t have to comment every time I make a phone call or have a repairman in my home. In true transparency, no one really cares what I think. I can’t imagine that they stop what they are doing and say, “Oh my God everyone! Allison Jones from Louisville, Kentucky has suggested that the wait time be shortened. Let’s get on that! She is brilliant for suggesting that.” No, that isn’t what is going to happen. I imagine they read those surveys and simply use them for their own amusement.

I once heard that participation is the key to harmony. For me, sometimes a lack of participation is the key to my own peace.

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