Don’t Ask

We are two weeks into the hostage situation AKA my boot. Don’t be jealous that it also has a pump attached to it. Yes, friends, I am super special to have such a fashion forward contraption. Anyway, we are slowly making progress. I am anxiously looking forward to being able to sleep through the night without saying the F-word as I find a comfortable position. Oh, and it will just randomly wake me up and say, (use Ryan Gosling’s voice for this moment), “Hey, girl! I’m lonely. Don’t you want to wake up and hang out with me? You can sleep later.” Ugh.

The issues aren’t just my lame-ass boot, it is also people asking me what happened. I get it. You want to know the scoop. The problem is, I don’t have a clue how it happened. At this stage in the game, I can literally hurt myself sleeping. It’s true. I wake up with random pain and wonder what the hell I was doing while comatose. Did I go to a rave?

It has been suggested that I make up an elaborate story to quiet the inquiries. But, honestly, I think it is best that I simply throw people off by telling them I injured myself sleeping. That is more realistic to people my age. I see the heads nodding in agreement. Actually, what I wish I had was a T-shirt that says, “Don’t ask. I have no idea what happened.” I could still wear it after the boot because I spend most days not having a clue what is really going on.

My biggest fear is having to wear this boot on my cruise that I am going on in three weeks. But, I suppose that isn’t a big deal. After all, how much fun would it be for my friends to decorate it? Bedazzled boot, bitches! I know the rest of the passengers would be jealous with a capital J.

I’m not complaining. Okay, maybe a little. In the grand scheme of things, it’s all good. I just need to continue to work hard at physical therapy, learn to get out of my car more gracefully, and hope that it heals. Although, I will miss Ryan Gosling’s voice waking me up at night even though he is a little needy.

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