Not My Gift

I have many talents, but apparently, being able to decipher the size of a pan and spatula are not on the list. Let me explain. Brian cooks eggs for himself and on occasion, Bailey. The other day, he was scraping the pan of egg residue, when the spatula broke and the pan looked like it had better days. The reality is I think that pan once belonged to my parents, so it is old. I told my spouse to toss it and the broken spatula. I turned to my trustee best friend, Amazon, and ordered some new cookware. The pan looked cool and specifically was geared toward eggs. Sweet. Problem solved or was it?

I have shared how math and measurements are not my friend. They are foreign languages that make me curl up in a fetal position while rocking back and forth. You laugh, but it is traumatic. I am alerted to the delivery and promptly bring in the package. The appearance of the package baffled me, as it was a large envelope instead of a box, but whatever, I opened it with high hopes. My spouse was eyeing me expectantly. What was revealed was a tiny, little skillet. It looked like something a child would use in their play kitchen. Seriously. I started laughing so hard, that I snorted, gasped, could not breathe, and had tears running down my face. Then I saw the spatula. Oh, my God. It was so tiny and it had a goofy egg face on the end of the handle. I lost it. Probably laughed for a good five minutes and my spouse, amused by my purchases was more entertained by my reaction. Clearly I didn’t read the fine print. I merely clicked on what looked cute. Jesus. Take. The. Wheel.

I went back and referred to their listing descriptions. The pan was a “mini ceramic non-stick round egg pan that is 5 inches”. I would think “mini” would have given me a clue and I suppose me not really grasping measurements assisted with me overlooking the five inches portion. Wow. Then I read how the spatula was described, “flip an egg with ease with this spatula ideal for cooking with kids. It measures 8 inches x 2.25 inches”. “Cooking with kids” could have been a hint if I had read the information.

Obviously, I am returning the items. When asked why I was returning the pan, the options given didn’t include “consumer didn’t read the description and has no concept of the metric system” so I chose “no longer needed”. Then I proceeded to do the same thing with the spatula and once completed, the message said, “Your refund is in process. There is no need to return the item.” We are now the proud owners of a child-like spatula with a goofy egg face at the end of the handle.

Don’t worry, yesterday we received our grown-up pan with a normal sized spatula. I can leave town knowing that my family’s eggs will not be compromised. This blog is an excellent example of why I need a little salt air and girl time. I hope Amazon will survive the week without me.

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