Two Words

The last two blogs have been a little heavy. In fact, I was told by someone, who indeed believes that non-essential shopping is a productive mental health activity that they do not, in fact, shit rainbows and unicorns. That’s disappointing as it would have been an excellent party trick. Moving on.

Let me share the conversation that I had with my 88-year-old mother today. I want to give you two words – mother and vibrator. I got your attention didn’t I? Well, we were chatting about the Netflix series, Grace & Frankie, when the conversation took a drastic turn.

Mom: “What is the thing that Jane Fonda’s character designed on that show?”

I had to think because it has been awhile since I had watched. The moment the item came to mind, I thought, “sweet mother of Jesus”.

Me: Do you mean a vibrator? (I grimace as I said it.)

Mom: “Yes, I need for you to order me one because my shoulder hurts.”

Let that nugget sink in for a moment.

Me: “Pretty sure that isn’t what it is used for. “

Mom: “I need my shoulder massaged.”

Me: “Um, okay, so I will order you a shoulder massager.”

(Please Lord, let this conversation end.)

Mom: “Oh, okay. That sounds good. It vibrates, right?”

Me: “Yes, it massages. Let’s stop saying things like vibrate or vibrator. I will order it right now and it will be delivered to you by early next week.”

Mom: “Okay, that sounds great. Thanks for doing that.”

We chat about some other things and when I hang up, I burst out laughing. The priceless gift was that Bryce heard bits and pieces, so now he will bleach his ears in an effort to erase the conversation of his mother and grandmother talking about vibrators.

Just another day in Quarantine 2020.

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