I have had some nudges from the big guy upstairs during this period of universal pausing. Since I have no distractions, those delightful reminders are about me and some work I need to do. It is so easy to dismiss those character glitches, as I like to call them, because who the hell wants to really look at themselves. I mean, sometimes, I am not the nicest person. I can be harsh with my words, both written and spoken. There are moments where my reactions are less than sane. This time in quarantine has put a spotlight on something in particular….. a spiritual cleanse that I did five years ago.
When I decided to disengage from some relationships several years ago, I did so in a way that might be construed as abrupt and unkind. But, at the time, that was really the only way that I felt it could be successfully implemented. The relationships had run their course. They were not good for my spiritual and emotional well-being. What I am being nudged to delve into is the reality that I haven’t fully let go. And that, my friends, is what I need to work on, write about, pray about, and ask my Higher Power to help me remove the residue.
I am using this time as a retreat of sorts. Embracing my humanness. Shifting my gaze inward instead of outwards. What kind of person do I want to be when this period of solitude is complete? Those relationships might not be beneficial to me now, but today, I can be grateful for what I learned from them. I can see my part and forgive myself. It requires grace. It requires my willingness to do something different. I can love them from a distance and hope they find their bliss.
This work is far from easy. I am unearthing some rather unattractive character traits that I thought I had worked through. I am an excellent storyteller, which is a wonderful talent when writing a book, but not in dealing with reality. My lesson is to live my truth which brings discomfort along with it. It is a process. I am perfectly imperfect, but I relish in the celebration of my evolution. This time, that we are in, can be a metamorphosis for us all. Use this time wisely.