I spent a lot of my time growing up, anticipating the moment where I could do what I want when I want. The moment that I didn’t have to answer to my parents. The moment when I could make my own decisions and be able to live my life on my terms. What the hell was I thinking?
Sure, there are bonuses to being an adult, but, lately, I am finding it is not nearly as attractive. Putting my big girl panties on day after day is getting monotonous. It could be that I haven’t had a break because of this bitchy virus that has taken us hostage. The Rollercoaster ride with my aging mother has been exhausting. I am afraid of getting too comfortable when things are going well. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Today, I have a vet coming to our house to access Daisy our 12-year-old Basset. She provides an end-of-life option in the home and we are getting close for our sweet girl. Today, I am simply gathering information. Trying to make the right decision that is best for her. It’s tough, friends.
It’s easy to feel the heaviness right now with everything externally and internally unfolding. Yesterday, Kanye West announced he was running for President. And yet, with everything happening, I am no longer surprised. The reality is that I can only stay in today and trust that everything will work out in God’s divine time. Being patient. Staying in my own lane. Gathering information and appreciating the ability to simply show up and be an adult. Sure, I would love to throw a temper-tantrum like a petulant toddler, but unfortunately, too many people depend on me. However, I can opt to have a small pity party if I choose to. I can embrace how I am feeling and move forward. I can reach out to others for support. The beauty is I am not doing life alone. It’s a group effort.