On The Edge

I am still baffled as to what the hell is really happening. It’s confusing, right? I mean, we are in a pandemic, yet people are still vacationing. They are gathering in large groups, hugging each other, and well, it’s beyond bizarre. I haven’t hugged my friends since …..(pausing as I think)…..I can’t even remember. I am constantly setting boundaries with individuals concerning what I am comfortable for Bailey to even do. And yes, I am overloaded with feeling like the bad guy trying to keep my special needs son safe, yet still allow him to have some sort of life. It is a conundrum.

As I watch the throes of parents sending their kids off to their first year of college, I mourn for them. Gone is the typical move-in along with the fanfare. Masks are worn. The landscape is vastly different. Not only are they coping with the “leaving the nest” syndrome, but the worry of what happens if they get sick. Bryce has been on campus for two weeks and has been tested for COVID-19 three times. (All negative. Go Bryce!) His position as student athletic trainer for the football team, warrants constant testing. This isn’t Kansas anymore.

Through my confusion, my expectations have been lowered on most everything. Everyone is doing the best they can. No one knows what the hell they are doing. Schools are opening for in-person instructions and I say, “good luck with that”. Those tiny little people are petri dishes waiting to latch on their latest victim. They touch EVERYTHING and don’t understand personal space. But, what do I know? Nothing. I am just a middle-age woman watching the shit show of 2020 to continue to unfold while I recover from surgery.

What I do know is that I need to focus on me. My mental health. My healing process. My own feelings about this mess we are currently experiencing. Taking care of me is priority because everything else is completely out of control. Easy does it is the mantra along with breathing in the good shit while exhaling the bullshit.

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