Pushed Buttons

I feel like I have walked through this Pandemic shit pretty well. Okay, I am currently not walking through anything. Maybe scooting through this odd time is more accurate. Anyway, I have become adaptable to the constant changing. That is until yesterday.

Bailey was scheduled to go back to work next week. September marks five years that he has been employed by this wonderful group of people. For six months, he has been patiently waiting to be reunited with his work family. This is a group of people who not only work together but truly care for each other. They have given my son a place to fit in and to grow as a human being. They encourage him, support him, and cultivate his skills. Most of all they love him.

Yesterday, I received word that he won’t be starting now until the 18th. I am very aware that constant change is now our companion. I can’t rely on anything to stay the same. My heart ached for him.

As an individual with Down syndrome, Bailey is full of light. He radiates it and spreads it everywhere. He is adaptable to change, but I know that this situation we are currently residing in, is starting to test his patience.

When he came upstairs, I greeted him with our usual morning hug, inquiring how he slept, and him asking me how I am feeling. I took a deep breath and shared the news about work with him. Friends, there were tears in his eyes and it shook me to the core. Then he says, “I just want COVID gone”.

I have contained my anger for six months. I have tried to go with the flow. Seriously, I am truly powerless over everything and 2020 has certainly shoved that in our faces. I am pissed at this virus. I am pissed at our government who has done NOTHING but heightened their political posturing instead of focusing on the task at hand. I am pissed that our country is so divided that hate has become our language. I am pissed that our children’s lives are forever changed. I am pissed that our narrative of being kind and loving toward one anything has shifted into a more violent exchange. Not sure if I have expressed this clearly, but I am pissed.

Bailey is is going to be okay. He will eventually be reunited with the people who give him so much love and encouragement. For now, we will just take one day at a time and hope that this time of discomfort will morph into something beautiful. There is always hope. As frustrating as this year has been, trusting the process has never been more important. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

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