What The Hell?

Yesterday, I was giddy sprinkled with nerves. This was the day that I would be released from my hostage situation AKA my red cast. I would be walking again like those miracles in the bible. The angels would be singing and all would be right in my world. Reality check. That shit did not happen. Here is the real story.

The nurse cuts off my cast to reveal my very unattractive leg and foot. I suppose I thought that my foot would look normal. You know, not like a sausage with Frankenstein marks all over it. I suppose I thought that it would have healed more. Oh, well, it will be covered under my walking boot, so I dismissed it. The doctor could not believe my range of motion and that my atrophy in my leg was minimal. I shared that every morning I did leg lifts with an ankle weight around my delightful cast and flexed my foot on a regular basis. Then reality set in when I put my walking boot on and put weight on my newly construction foot. Sweet. Baby. Jesus. No one prepared me for the pain. Are you kidding me right now? I should be walking and discarding my scooter. My delightful doctor grinned at me. It might have been a condescending smile. I don’t know because I was trying to grasp the concept that my scooter and I will be continuing our relationship for a while. Then he said, “Don’t take off the boot unless you are showering or sleeping. This will be for four weeks.” Yippee.

When I got home, I took off my boot to really look at the horror show that resides at the end of my leg. Christ. On. A. Cracker. My leg and foot were shedding skin like an obese Cobra and I think I might be able to donate my leg hair to Locks of Love. I quickly put my boot back on because I simply couldn’t look at it anymore. Disgusting.

My delusion grabbed me by the throat and bitch slapped me. It happens. I think things will go a certain way then “Boom” reality rears its ugly head. It’s all good. I know that this will all pass and that my new foot will no longer look like a sausage. The scars will heal and I will walk again without pain. In the meantime, I will be over here shedding my skin and trying to weed wack my leg.

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