The Choice

In the past, I have written blogs about getting through the holidays. You know, dealing with family members that you don’t see eye-to-eye on or those individuals that you only see on special occasions. Don’t have to worry about writing about gathering this year, since the holidays are basically cancelled. I think 2020 has provided more awkward moments than the most volatile family gatherings.

I have been teetering the line on whether to host an intimate family dinner for Thanksgiving. My sister’s family would be in town as they are picking up my nephew from a nearby university. I contemplated the thought that this may be my mother’s last holiday season. Of course, we were also going to host my mother-in-law. Bryce would most likely not be in attendance due to football, so it would be a total of eight people. However, the more I obsessed, the more doubt I had.

Monday, I chatted with my sister and we both agreed to err on the side of caution. It isn’t worth contributing to the problem. My mother-in-law agreed with the notion of cancelling our gathering as well. My own mother bowed out last week primarily due to the effort it takes for her to get ready. Our plan is to deliver dinner to our guests. It’s like GrubHub only I don’t receive a tip.

I am comfortable with our decision. It is what is best for all involved as the majority of attendees are high-risk. Everyone is going to adapt in the way that they feel most works for their own family. The holiday scene is different this year. If 2020 has taught me anything, it is the notion that I take a lot of things for granted. While I have realistic expectations about 2021, I do have more hope than I did months ago. Sure, I am still baffled and annoyed at individuals who compare our situation to “a common cold” or “we lose more people to the flu” but my theory is when people are fearful they reside in denial.

This year has been heavy and we have all walked through it differently. At this point, I will be honest, I am done. Done with debating. Done with topics that are too volatile to discuss – which is basically everything going on in the world. I feel like we are all going to have some sort of PTSD as a result of this year. Can we sue 2020 for emotional distress? I mean, people in high places are suing everyone, why can’t we? Sigh.

Thank you for allowing me to vomit my thoughts. This blog is cathartic and in some ways helps me process my feelings. We are all going to be okay. I feel that. We just need to walk through the discomfort and get to the other side. In the meantime, I will just be over here, eating my feelings.

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